Time flies
Time stands still
Time stops
All this time
So much time
Alone with my thoughts.
Thoughts of her
Thoughts of us
Thoughts of we
Thoughts of the past
Thoughts of the future
Is she thinking of me?
Screenshot and delete
Screenshot and delete
Screenshot
And
Delete
Hour after Hour,
Continuously on repeat.
Space and time
My racing mind
A broken heart
A heart that bleeds
A heart that pleads
Of all her needs
But what about me
I understand
She has a plan
She needs time to heal
She needs space to build
Herself a new life
Because of the strife
That tore the old one apart
She needs the time
She needs the space
Before we can start
Moving forward
Moving toward
A life together
A life that’s better
For us both
A life of hope
A life of love
A life of fate
But I must wait
For her to be ready
I must be steady
To be her rock
To be the one
When the time comes
No! Stop!
Don’t watch the clock.
Don’t send that text
Don’t be that guy
Just give her her space
Give her her time
For if you do
Once she is through
Maybe she’ll finally come back
Maybe she’ll find her way back to you
But what if she’s gone for good?
Month: April 2021
Up Schitt’s Creek
She says she knows
That I won’t watch the show,
She says,
“We’ll see how that goes…”
She says I’m an adult,
She can’t make me do anything,
But for her, I’d do almost everything
How do I make these feelings go away
How do I pretend and fake it?
How do I watch this show without her near?
How do I watch her favorite show alone?
How do I watch this constant reminder-
That now I’m all alone.
How do I watch Alexis fall in love with Ted?
How do I watch Patrick & David, finally do wed?
Instead of laughs of joy and tears of happiness,
I’m drowning in my tears, because it’s her I miss…
I’m Up Schitt’s Creek, all alone.
I can’t watch this show
Can’t watch and not think of her
Can’t watch David’s love of Patrick grow
Without wanting to sit and cuddle.
Wanted to travel to the Rosebud Motel
And spend the night with you.
Shopping at Rose Apothecary,
And lunch at Twyla’s too.
My plan was to watch it all along
Just when we were together
Now I’m up Schitt’s Creek, all alone.
Without you to discuss each episode.
Watched all 6 seasons on my own,
Like you love the show is over.
What do I do now?
With no show to watch and no lover.
Moving on alone, like Alexis & Ted?
Starting over together, like Moira & Johnny?
Or end up alone, all by myself
Like Bob and Stevie Budd
Up Schitt’s Creek, all by myself
Drowning alone, in the mud
Seasons Change
Seasons change,
Time moves on
They say some people change, too
One thing that’s never changed
Was my love for you
Our friendship blossomed into more
As summer turned to fall
But by winter, your love was out the door
Your heart you said you couldn’t give
So you left me standing there
Like a tree, who lost it’s leaves
It’s branches have all gone bare
For our lost love, I grieved
People are like seasons
In the fact that they change
Your heart was torn to pieces
Your love’s gone a separate way
Like time, I must move on
For here I cannot stay.
Your love gave me the strength inside
Showed me who I want to be
Your changing gave me the courage
A reason to believe
I can’t blame you, I’m not made
Understand Why you had to leave
You’re off to change yourself for your family,
Now so I am, hopefully for the better
Maybe our paths will cross again
Hopefully, one day will get together
Unlike seasons or people,
One thing will never change
When I said Always & Forever
When I told you that I loved you
Those words I said were true
My love is not a season
I doesn’t come and go
My love will stand the test of time
Even though you’re no longer mine.
Be Careful
Be careful with your heart
And who you give it to
Because the battle you overcome
Has nothing to do with you.
Be careful with your heart
Be careful with your care
Be mindful of the scars
That will always be there.
Be careful with your heart
When you offer it in love
Because she’s still broken
There’s nothing you can do.
Be careful with your heart
Be mindful of your time
Take stock in your emotions
Always keep this in mind
No matter how hard you fight
You’re never going to win
Unless she opens up the door
And finally lets you in.
But be careful with your heart
Because all relationships come to an end
Hopefully, when you look back
It was worth all the pain
When I Get Old
When I get old
I hope I lose my memory
Of this time, that you’re not mine
Of this hurt I’m feeling
When I get old
I just hope the things that I do remember
Are the things from this past year-
From July until December
When I grow old
I don’t want to know
I don’t want to feel this heart break
When I grow old
I only want to remember
The smile upon your face
When I grow old
The only thing I want to remember
Is holding you in my arms, sitting hand and hand
When I grow old
I want to die
With you lying by my side
Knowing that I got to live
With you standing by my side
When I get old and leave this Earth
Returned into the Universe-
If I go first and leave you here
My voice daily, you’ll always hear
Saying softly “I love you, dear”
Wiping away all of your tears
When I grow old
I hope that I found
A love like yours and mine,
When you were around
But if I grow old without you
And we don’t get back to that time
Or I never get to see your face
Just know that I when I grow old
No one will ever take your place
Love Letters from a Friend
One day when you’re here and I’m finally gone.
I’m going to leave you with this book of poems
Not to make you sad,
Not to bring you down.
But show you how I feel when you’re not around
To show you just what you meant to me.
The depth of love in my heart you will see.
These aren’t words of sadness,
Not words of despair.
But words to show you
Just how deeply I care.
My words simply express how I feel.
My words show you that my love is real.
The words I couldn’t tell you to your face,
These words were formed when I gave you your space.
I gave you time, so you could heal.
Time when I couldn’t tell you just what I feel.
Because I cherish and love you with all of my heart.
Looking to the future, when we’re no longer apart.
All those times you were there and I couldn’t see.
I’ll always be here, you will feel me.
Read these words and feel no sorrow.
Though we are apart today,
We’ll be together, forever, come tomorrow…
Kitty
There is that cat who knows my heart
She’s always by your side
Lays on your lap
Lying next to you
Follows you everywhere you go
She makes her way out into the world
But never strays too far from home.
Right by your side, all day and night
Except when she needs roam.
Never gone too long,
Always comes back home
Because it’s your presence that she misses
You keep her safe and warm and free from harm
I know these words of which I speak
Because I feel the same way.
On your chest she sleeps,
On your bosom, she lays her head
Every night with you and the morning to
I longed to share your bed.
And keep you warm, safe from the storm
Holding you tightly in my arms.
Just like you do every night with Kitty
Erasure
How easy was it to erase all of our memories?
To erase all those things that you said to me
How easy was it to move on?
I looked up and you were gone
All those words and things you said
Messages I daily read
Was your love real, was your love true?
Please tell me this was hard on you
The way it’s been hard on me
Messages no longer will I read
The texts and phone calls are now over
8 months of loving under cover
Moving on to your new life
You said you’d be right by my side
Hand-in-hand til the end of time
I was your Always
You were my Forever
Stranded you would leave me, never
Said you would be there for me
When this life I’d finally leave
But now I need you, you’re not here
Instead I’m only left with tears
I gave you time, I gave you space
But from my life, you quickly raced
How do I endure this pain
Left me all alone again
Off you went to find your own truth
While I stand here without you
Trying to find my way
I don’t know what to do or say
You vowed that you would never leave
I wore my heart upon my sleeve
The strength and love you gave to me
Is now gone, I feel so weak
I’m stuck here, no where to go
I know your life’s been hard
Easier I hoped to make it
But that doesn’t seem to be in the cards
I guess you could no longer face it
And looking back on all those memories
To move on you had to erase it
Memories of you and me
From me, from my heart
You were taken
Alone
I’m scared to live my life alone
Scared to be all by myself
I’m scared to do this all alone
Now that you have left
You said that you’d be right by my side,
Be there in my time of need.
I’m wounded, standing all alone,
To face this world on my own.
The voices scream inside my head
The hole deep inside my heart
Not knowing what I must do
To achieve my brand new start
Where will I go? What will I do?
Wherever will I land?
Said you’d be here to help me
Now I’m not part of your plans.
You swore that we’d be together
Through times both thick & thin
Even if we couldn’t be lovers,
You’d always be my friend
But here I stand looking around
I’m lost, so much confusion
My heart in pieces on the ground
Friendship & Love? An Illusion?
I’m scared to do this on my own
I was there for you.
Said you needed to make it all alone.
You said that we were through.
I was there to hold your hand,
There to pick you up when you were down
But when I needed you the most
You were nowhere to be found.
I’m scared to do this on my own
Scared to do it by myself
Nobody understood me like you did,
Can’t see a life with anyone else.
But you can’t, you’ve made your plans
You’d left me and have moved on
To build a life without love
You say you hid your heart away.
I sit here scared to face the day
So filled with pain and sorrow
You used to chase my pain away
But what will I do tomorrow?
I’m stuck in time
You’re no longer mine
I left here on my own
Too scared to move from this spot
Too scared to be alone.
I Remember You/Landslide
I woke up to the sound of pouring rain…
I reached out to kiss you
But she was you…
I still dream about you every night
Before the times when you said goodbye
And love for me you could no longer give
I’ve been afraid of changin’
Cuz I built my life around us…
But he made you colder
Your love no longer smolders
A landslide covered your heart
And our love was then sacrificed
So you can rebuild your life
A life free from the pain
Of heartbreak again
But I’m standing here in the rain
Alone and afraid
I remember you
And what you said
Remember the promise that you made
You swore I’d never be lonely…
Rainbow Phoenix Poetry 