I always wanted to be your shade
While hiding in your shadow
Shade cools down and shields your eyes
As you lay on the beach
But I dwell in your shadow
Your love just out of reach
Shade it helps your garden grow
And helps your flowers bloom
Shadows lurk in the dark
Sneaking from room to room
Shade you keep in your heart
So cozy and just right
Shadows bring anxiety
Shadows bring fear & fright
I wanted to be your shade,
Every moment of my life
But I’m forced to lurk in the shadows
Hiding just out of sight…

I don’t want to write these poems
I don’t want to type these lines
I just want you back
I just want you to be mine
I wish that you could hold you again
Wish I could just be your friend
Wish this wasn’t so hard
Learning to live again
Learning to live without you
Learning to walk alone
Learning how to survive
Now that your love is gone
Now that you’ve moved on
Now I have to figure out
How to make it on my own
When you said I wouldn’t have to
That I could always depend on you
Now I wish I had some clue
Of what it is I need to do
But I’m left to write these poems
And left to write these lines
Left all alone pretending
That I’m okay, pretending that I’m fine

How am I getting punished
For something that I didn’t do?
Why do I have to suffer,
For giving my heart to you?
He took your heart,
Ripped it apart,
He tore out your soul.
I held your hand.
Showed you were stronger than
I tried to make you whole.
Waited all these years,
Even wiped your tears
Thought it was plain to see.
That we would together,
Outlast the weather
Covered you during the storm
You said Forever
I said I’d never
Intentionally do you any harm.
My word’s always my bond
The truth to you, that I’d always tell.
Gave you my heart, from the very start
For you, I fell fast, I fell hard.
You talked of weddings
You brought up marriage
You’re the one who said always.
You promised someday,
You promised one day,
That we’d have All the Things
All of our wishes, All of our Hopes.
That we’d live out our Dreams
For all to see,
See what true love really means.
You needed space, you needed time,
Needed to find yourself.
I held your hand, I’d understand
Put back the pieces left
Of your heart, that’s torn all apart,
Hidden behind a wall.
Gave you my all,
Beside you, stood tall,
But for me, your love did stall.
I gave you all of me,
told you all my secrets
Gave you my broken heart,
And all it’s shattered pieces.
I listened when you worried,
I listened when you cried.
I loved you when you felt uneasy
When life ripped you up inside.
I shared my fears, shared my tears
Promised you all of my time.
I waited years, so many years
‘Til I thought that you were finally mine.
Made you my world, Promised you the world,
Promised always to be true.
But so did he and you can’t see,
That I was the one who’s meant for you.
Hurtful words he said, stuck in your head
Now you’re the one that’s pensive
No more love, Away you shoved
Your heart is now defensive.
But your heart’s now cold,
Full of pain, turned into a stone.
You insist on living your new life
One of being all alone.
I am left to atone
For some other man’s sins.
When all I did
Was show you the love
That was meant for you all along.
I sent you songs, I wrote you poems
What all did I do wrong?
Except want to share your life,
And make you my new wife
And for you to finally see
That I was sent here to wipe your tears
And show you what true love was meant to be…
He was the one that hurt you,
I’d never desert you.
That was him, not me…

The highs were HIGH
And now the lows are LOW
Trying to hide
How I feel inside
Feelings no one
Can ever know
Your love for me
It fed my soul
Your love for me
It made me whole
Now there’s nothing left
But this empty hole
And my truth
Cannot be told
I loved you
You said you loved me
You promised our love
Would forever be
To be with you
I’d have to hurt her
I love her yes,
But not in love with her
But then you needed space
And you needed time
Moved on with your life
Your heart no longer mine
My heart is aching
My heart is breaking
Relationship severed
Forever has now turned to never
The way that he left
Got you all shook
And so your heart
From me you took
Gave mine back to me
So you could be free
To love only her
Exclusively
And now I’m left
With all of this pain
Do I dare try
To find love again
Or do I stay here?
With all my fears
To save the one I married
From all of these tears
For you, I’m crying
Heart feels like dying
Can I pass this pain
On to another
I feel like dirt
Spreading this hurt
To someone I care for
But in love no more
But still love
Nonetheless
The uneasiness
And all of the stress
The highs and the lows
Trying not to show
Feelings trapped inside
Tears that are cried
From him to you
From you to me
From me to her
A viscous cycle
Relationship PTSD