I Don’t Know What to Say

I don’t know what to do or say…
I don’t want to say too much.
I don’t want to feel this way.
I just want to exist in a world
With you in it.
I want to see you smile
I want to spend time with you.
I want you to see the joy you bring me.
I just want to be happy.
I don’t want to play this game
Where I’m hiding hurt and pain,
Where I’m hiding from the shame
Because I love someone who doesn’t love me
Because I’m somewhere that I don’t want to be
Pretending to be someone who isn’t me
But how do I say this to you?
How do I say this to her?
And what happens if I do?
Where do I go from here?
I deserve to be happy
I deserve a life of joy
But have I earned that right?
And what about the love that you can’t give?
This isn’t the way to live-
Hiding in shadows, but in plain sight
Keeping it all inside me, using all my might.
To pretend that I don’t love you.
While pretending I’m in love with her.
Knowing I’d do anything for you,
But that you don’t concur.
Going back to being just your friend.
While waiting for this life to end.
Not knowing if we’ll ever
Get back to being us again.
I let you into my heart
You picked up my scattered pieces
But you’ve closed off your heart
Leaving me feeling quite defeated.
Can I ever love again?
And if not her or you?
How will I learn to live again
And who can I give my heart to?
Because you were the one I always loved
The one I always missed.
The I searched to world for
Felt it in our first kiss.
But you can’t give me your heart
And I can’t keep pretending with her.
Scared about a brand new start
And that I’m stuck here for ever.
You stepped outside your comfort zone
But left me all alone
Make a new life, you’ve moved on
Took your heart back and now you’re gone.
I don’t know what to do or say…
I don’t want to say too much.
I just don’t want to feel this way.
And I miss you so fucking much…

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