5 Hours Round Trip

5 hours round trip
For the chance to kiss your lips
5 hours is worth the drive
Because you made me feel so alive
5 hours in the car
Doesn’t seem very far
To see your smiling face
And wrap my hands around your waist
Two and a half hours there
Two and a half hours back
Back when you said your cared
Back when our love was on track
5 hours round trip
I’d take that trip
For just one more kiss
Upon your lips
The time we spent holding hands
Time stood still, it was so grand
That final drive
Back in December
Plays back in my mind
I still remember
The last time I held you close
Before your love
Disappeared like a ghost
I told you that I loved you most
You swore
That you loved me more
But now your love
Is no more
As I get in the car
To make this drive
Wishing it would end
With you by my side
I guess I should be satisfied
That I got the chance to take that ride
Please know that I never lied
Though now my feelings
I keep inside
With no one else to confide
Wishing for another 5 hour ride
5 hours round trip
For the chance to kiss your lips
5 hours is worth the drive
Because you made me feel so alive
5 hours in the car
Doesn’t seem very far
To see your smiling face
And wrap my hands around your waist

I Saw Us Today

I saw us today
Except is wasn’t you
And it wasn’t me
But it was exactly how
I pictured us to be.
Sitting in a restaurant, when
An older couple walks in.
Holding hands across the table
He couldn’t take his eyes off her
They seemed so happy together
Like they’d been together forever
As I watched them,
My thoughts turned to you
Wishing I was holding your hand
Back when your love was true
Back when you were
The love of my life,
Back when I was your man.
And you’d eventually be my wife.
Back before you needed time and space
Now I feel like it’s your time I waste
Wishing I could hold you again
Instead I hold it all in and pretend
That I dream about us every day.
So many words I want to say.
I saw us again today
Holding hands across the table
I couldn’t take my eyes off you
I couldn’t, if I wanted to
Except is wasn’t you
And it wasn’t me
But it was exactly how
I pictured us to be…

Strangers

We’re not as close
As we used to be
We’re not as close,
No more you and me
You’re still you
And I’m still me
But we may as well be
Strangers,
Stop Pretending to be
Friends again.
You don’t talk at all
You don’t text, you don’t call
You’re never the first
To reach out
And when I do
It only makes me feel worse
You’re the one I couldn’t
Live without
Even though I try
But ignoring you
Just feels like lies
I want to reach out
Tell you how I feel
Ask you if your
Love was ever real
Or if we’ll ever be friends
Friends like we were again
But I know we can’t
Go back to November
When our love was true
Do you remember?
The way that you felt about me?
The way I still feel about you?
We’re not as close
As we used to be
We’re not as close,
No more you and me
You’re still you
And I’m still me
But we may as well be
Strangers…

I Can’t Talk To You

I can’t talk to you
So I write instead
The words I want to say
Swimming around in my head
I wish that I was stronger
I wish I could move on
I wish you loved me longer
Before your love was gone
I wish that I could tell you
I wish I could see your face
I with that this was over
Your need for time and space
I wish we could be together
Like we were back then
Together forever
Together, more than friends
But I can’t talk to you now
It hurts me way too bad
What used to make me happy
Now only makes me sad
Because I love you more
It feels like your love’s a chore
The feelings that you have
Are different than before
I can’t talk to you
Because you don’t talk to me
Conversations are one-sided
In this dance, I am the lead
I want you to reach out to me
I want to believe
That as much as I want you
That’s how much you want me.
I can’t talk to you
So I write instead
The words I want to say
Swimming around in my head
I wish that I was stronger
I wish I could move on
I wish you loved me longer
Before your love was gone…

Rambling Incoherently

I loved you
You moved away
I found you,
But the words I couldn’t say
You had another
And so did I
So I said nothing
My feelings kept inside
And then one day
I found you again
But in my heart
No longer just a friend
I spoke my truth
My heart- I let you in
Your heart did feel the same too.
Complicated, both of our lives
But Together Forever
We’d stand Side-by-side
Then one day
Your world fell apart
And I was no longer held in your heart.
Apart we drifted, you were no longer there
Left alone to face this on my own
You needed space,
To learn to be alone.
So I stood here, hoping and praying
Then one day, I refused to keep chasing
Someone wanting to be alone
Someone trying to make it on their own.
If you wanted me, you would reach out.
Isn’t that what love is all about?
Two people both broken and flawed
Fighting to be together, no matter the odds.
But it felt I wanted us more than you did
That my need for you. left me feeling stupid.
Because You needed time and space.
You needed focus, you didn’t need to waste-
Time on someone so far away.
So I sucked it up,
I deleted every trace
So I wouldn’t have to see your face
Those memories I tried to erase.
And you, I tried to ignore
Pretend I didn’t need you anymore
Pretend that I was doing fine
Pretend that you weren’t always on my mind.
And after 3 weeks I let you back in…
Wishing things were different
But so far here we go again
Because to me
It’s plain to see
I need you
More than
You need me…

I’m Tired of Pretending

I can’t do this anymore
I’m tired of pretending
Don’t like who I am anymore
I’m tired of pretending
Always mad, always sad
Always pretending…
So no one sees me crying
Do they realize I’m lying?
Inside I’m slowing dying
Anxiety and fear keep rising
Wishing I still had my friend
Wishing the your love didn’t end
On you I could still depend-
To calm my fears,
To ease my pain,
To feel whole again
No one to confide
Feelings that I hide,
While dying inside.
Nothing left but pride
A love unreturned
Bridges I’ll burn
But to live I must learn
How to be me
How to be free
How to finally see
That your love’s not for me
That we’ll never be
So I just keep pretending
And I keep holding on
To afraid to let go
Too tired to be strong
Too scared to know
Where I go from here
How to face this fear
And move on in my life
To ease all of this strife
And pass on this heartache
To cause another’s heart break
For the good of my own sake
Without knowing how it all ends
Will we ever talk again?
Or are we done as friends?
You said you’d always be there.
You said that you cared.
You said lots of things.
You that you had to move on.
You needed time and space
You needed to concentrate-
On your family and life anew
Not here, when I needed you-
What am I supposed to do?
Who will help see me through?
Who will help change my view?
I wore my heart on my sleeve
But you deserted me-
Just like I will have to leave her
If we would have been together.
When you promised forever.
I’m tired of pretending…

I Talk To You Every Day

I talk to you every day
But you’ll never hear a word
All the things I want to say
Cries that go unheard
I dream about you every night
Dreams of holding you tight
Dreams of a better time
A time when the world was right
I ignore you to fight the pain
That would come when you don’t answer
Or when I’m sent back to the Friend Zone
Because you don’t feel the same
Because you have moved on
I’ve had to learn to hide my feelings
Built another wall around my heart.
When you left, it left me reeling.
Trying to learn to live apart.
Trying to pretend I don’t care.
Pretending that I don’t still need you.
I want to reach out,
But you’re not there.
Yet you are. I can see you.
And I know you can see me.
I wish that you say something
Anything, just to know that I exist
Instead in limbo & despair-
Like a leaf in the wind, I twist
I talk to you every day
But you’ll never hear a word
All the things I want to say
Cries that go unheard

How Long?

How long
Do I
Have to keep pretending
That I don’t see you?
How long
Do I
Have to keep pretending
That I don’t need you?
How long
Do I
Have to keep pretending
That I’m ok?
How long
Do I
Have to keep wishing
This pain will go away?
How long
Before I
Can talk to you again?
How long
Before I
Can act like
I’m okay being friends?
How long
Before I
Admit that you’re gone?
How long
Before I
Can finally move on?

Missing You

I miss you
But I took it out on
Someone else
Missing you
Had me beside myself
You used calm my fears
You used to ease the pain
You were the one
Who could calm my chaos
Without you in my life
I always feel like I’m lost
You were the Beauty
To my Beast
You filled me up
When I felt the least
Now you’re gone
And I feel all alone
You said that you’d
Help me through this
I don’t even know
What THIS is…
You’re long gone
And I’m stuck treading water
This doesn’t feel like
You’re here whenever I needed you.
Because I need you now
To help me get through this
Your love gave me hope
Gave me reason to believe
That one day we’d be together
One day you’d set me free
You filled up my heart
Found all my shattered pieces
But now that you’re gone
my heart is broken and battered
You took away my will to move on
You took away all that mattered…

Pretending

Pretending not to notice
Pretending not to care
Pretending not to see you
Pretending you’re not there
Pretending I’m okay
Pretending to hold it in
Pretending the pain’s gone away
Pretending we’re still friends
Pretending I’m not lurking
Pretending that I’m trying
Pretending that
Pretending’s working
Pretending I’m not crying
Pretending I don’t miss you
Pretending everything’s fine
Pretending I don’t need you
Pretending that someday
Again you’ll be mine…