I thought we’d be David and Patrick
Or at best Johnny and Moira Rose
Overcoming everything together
No matter what life throws
I’d even take Ted and Alexis
Who loved each other across the world
But who would have guessed that
We were actually Stevie & Emir
I was Stevie and you were Emir
You’re long gone and I’m still here…
What are you going to ask her?
What is she going to say?
What if she doesn’t answer?
What if she still feels the same?
What if she gone for good?
Why can’t you move on?
Why do you do this to yourself?
What if she’s found someone else?
What if she still needs time?
What if she still needs space?
What if she’s left you behind?
What if you’re just running in place?
How do you approach the subject?
Do you dare open that door?
Afraid of what she’s gonna say?
Afraid of how you’re gonna feel?
Afraid that it will hurt too much?
Afraid that you heart will never heal?
Why do you ask questions,
That you don’t want the answer to?
She’s moved on with her new life,
So why can’t you?
Birds of a feather flock together
Together we could withstand any weather
Though we were so much alike
We had other mates.
But for you, I was willing to wait.
I spoke us into existence
I finally spoke my truth
But now my life moves on
Alone without you
So much in common you and I shared
Didn’t want to lose your friendship
So I never even dared
But then one day, I shot that shot
Things between us were white hot
But then you heart
To me, you could not give
And on with your life
You chose to live
Left me standing here all alone
Wondering what I’m to do next
Wondering what happened to the nest
That you and I had plans to build
A new life together we would live
Show our kids what real love was
Show them that there was no stopping us
Birds of a feather,
Finally together.
Together Facing Anything
No Matter the Weather
As long as we did it
Together. Forever…
Music used to be my escape
It used to be my hiding place.
Music used to be the way
That I made it through the day.
Music was one of the ways
That we talked to each other
Music connected us in a way
I never felt with any other.
We had a song for every occasion.
Every song had a special meaning.
Now music just hasn’t been the same,
Since the end of you and me.
Songs that used to make me smile,
Only cut me to the core.
Songs that used to mean forever.
Now forever is no more.
Music was one of the ties that bound us
You used to be my biggest fan
There was music all around us
Back when I was your DJ Man.
That first mixed tape of love songs
I recorded from the radio
Was always meant for you
Even though neither of us knew.
But all those songs were your favorites
I didn’t even have a clue
That years later all those songs
Would be sent from me to you.
Music used to be my escape
It used to be my hiding place.
Music used to be the way
That I made it through the day.
But now music hurts too bad.
Those songs just seem to make me sad.
Thinking about all the times we shared.
Thinking back to the time you cared.
Remembering that you’d ALWAYS be there.
The music follows me everywhere
Songs that used to make me smile,
Only cut me to the core.
Songs that used to mean forever.
Now that Forever is no more…
Other people’s pictures
Used to make me smile
To them looking so happy
“That’s gonna be us on day”
Other people’s pictures
Of their happy families
Of loving couple’s together
I’d think about you and me
We should try that pose
We should go there
We should use those props
It’s different now I suppose
Now that your love for me has stopped
Other people’s photos
Make me miss what we had
Now looking at their happiness
Only makes me sad
Looking at your photos
Used to make me smile
Knowing that one day
I get to stand by your side
One day we’d have a photo
Together, husband and bride
I used to look at your photos
Wanting everything that I missed
Hoping that one day
I’d get to be in all of your pics
Now I can’t bare to look at them
No, it hurts too bad
It’s not that I’m not curious
I just hate feeling sad
And knowing that I’ll never have
The life that I always wished I had
I just can’t bring myself to look
At other people’s pictures
Who knew someone else’s memories
Would become for me a trigger
That all I’m left with
Is just the memory
Of you and I together
No more Always
No more Forevers
No photos of you and I
No pics of me making you smile
Nothing to remind me
Of when we were more than friends
Nothing but mental pictures
Before your love for me did end.
I wish I could tell you
How much I miss you so.
I wish I could tell you,
But do even want to know?
I wish I could tell you
That I still see you in my dreams.
I wish I could tell you,
But would it change anything?
I wish I could tell you
That you still live in my heart.
I wish I could tell you
How much I hate being apart…
I wish I could tell you
That I don’t miss talking to you.
I wish I could tell you,
But we both know that isn’t true.
I wish I could tell you
That I’ve gotten over you and I.
I wish I could tell you,
But if I did- it would be a lie.
I wish I could tell you
That I’m getting better at being alone.
I wish I could tell you,
That you’re not the reason for this poem.
I wish I could tell you
How much I miss your voice.
I wish I could tell you,
But it looks like I don’t really have the choice.
I wish I could tell you that I’m doing okay.
I wish I could tell you
That all the pain has finally gone away.
I wish I could tell you
That I’ve finally moved on.
I wish I could tell you
That the feelings I had are now gone.
I wish I could tell you,
I wish I could make you see.
But I can’t tell you anything
I can’t say what I mean.
I have to hold my tongue,
I have to hold it all in.
I have to get through each day
Trying to pretend-
That I don’t need you
That I don’t want you
That I don’t still love you
That I’d do anything for you
That I always will,
If you’d only let me.
I wish I could tell you
I wish you could see.
That you were my better half
You completed me.
I wish I could tell you
How much your love saved me
I wish I could tell you
How your love set me free.
I wish I could tell you
How much I miss you so.
I wish I could tell you,
But do even want to know?
Friday Nights were our nights
Friday Nights, the distance didn’t matter
Friday Nights I didn’t feel alone
Although we were miles apart
We were together on the phone.
We’d settle down for a movie
Then late night snuggles
We’d forget about the rest of the world
We’d forget about our struggles
Friday nights were our nights
We could talk about anything
We didn’t even have to talk
I could just lay back
And listen to you breathe.
We’d talk in our secret code
We never had to say a word
Words unsaid
Were still heard
Friday nights were our nights
And tonight I sit alone
I’d give anything
If you’d just pick up the phone
An Instant Message or a text
A DM or a phone call
This silence is killing me
It’s like you don’t care at all.
I watched a movie tonight
But it just wasn’t the same
Can’t watch any movies from our list
Can’t bring myself to watch them
I can’t sit through the pain
Friday Nights were our nights
Now I sit alone in this empty room
Friday Nights are very different
Now that I don’t have you.
Own your Happiness
While I wallow in my sorrow
Watching you live from day to day
Watching you own your tomorrows
My happiness was tied to you
Your love did fill my soul
With promises of love forever
Together we’d grow old
Own your Happiness
I was holding you back
Because I was afraid you’d leave me
Hmm, Imagine that…
I am happy for you
Your life finally back on track
I need to work on myself
I’ll try to follow suit
But why I am doing this,
For you, For us? For me?
To somehow try to win you back
To somehow make you see
How much you made me happy
How much you made me smile
How you gave my life reason
How you gave me will to live
I’d like to own my happiness
The way that you own yours
I wish I could smile
The way I did before.
I’m trying
I really am
I don’t like feeling this way
Anxiety and depression
Creeping back in every day
I’ve tried mediation
I’ve tried audiobooks
I’ve tried reaching out to friends
But every step forward
Seems to bring 2 steps back
It’s like playing Shoots and Ladders
That game was always whack.
I just want to feel normal
I just want to be me again
Back when life was easy
Back when I had friends
Who would listen if I needed
Who would catch me if when fall
Who would pick up the phone
Friends who weren’t too busy to call
Friends who kept me from feeling alone
But I’m not here to bash my friends
They have troubles of their own
I just hope none of my friends
Ever feel this much alone.
I never wanted you to need me
I just needed to feel whole again
You told me that we’d always be
That we’d always be friends
I didn’t need for you to need me
But for you to see that I needed you
That only complicated things
Things between me and you
I never wanted to feel this way
I don’t want to pass this hurt along
I could never put someone through
All this hurt that I endure
I never meant for this to happen
I wish that I was stronger
I wish that I could find someone
Someone that I can belong to
I guess I already have someone
But from her, my feelings I hide
She’s supposed to be my partner
To her I should confide
That I felt like I’ll walk through life
And never find MY person
You were my friend, she’s still my wife
The pain inside just worsens
I wish someone looked at me
The way you look at your Cheri
I wish someone could hold my hand
When life gets kinda lonely
I never wanted you to need me
I never wanted to need you so
I just wanted you to see me
And what was in my heart,
I just wanted you to know.
You’ve gone on to find yourself
And your new happiness
I’m left here to wander
Left to wonder and to guess
Will I ever be good enough?
Will I ever measure up?
Will I ever get back to normal?
Will life no longer suck?
Will I ever get you back?
When will always mean forever?
Or am I meant stay this way?
And happiness?
For me never…
Rainbow Phoenix Poetry 