The Maze

Nothing makes sense
Nothing feels right
No matter what I do
It just feels wrong
I want to ignore you
But I want to tell you
Everything that’s going on
I want you to see me
But I don’t want you to see
That I’m hurting
I keep trying
I keep pretending
That this is working
I feel like a jerk for lurking
But we don’t talk
It feels awkward
I don’t even know
How you feel
You seem happy
I feel crappy
I can’t tell you what I feel
I’m not supposed to talk to you
I’m supposed to ignore
I’m supposed to go back
To the way we were before
My mind races
From giving you space and
From giving you time
You have your new life
I have kids and a wife
Who depend on me
Can’t talk to you
Can’t ask you to
Wait for me
For what it seems
Was all a dream
Of the two of us together
I meant what I said
Every time I said
Always and Forever
Inside I cry
In the bathroom I hide
For what feels like hours
So no one knows
The pain that grows
Moving on,
I just don’t have the power.
This just doesn’t make sense
Nothing feels right
No one that I can talk to
Wish I could tell you
Just how I feel
But that’s not part of the deal
Don’t want to eat
Don’t want to drink
Don’t want to think
Don’t want to miss you
But I’m always hungry
And always thirsty
My mind always spinning
My thoughts are always with you
Too many questions
But I don’t want the answers
So much I want to say
Dammit, Why am I this way?
I feel like a fool.
I feel like a tool.
Why can’t I just be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Instead of wandering in this haze
Caught pretending,
Alone in this maze…