Morning Meditations

Morning meditations
While I let you sleep in
Thanking the universe
For finally letting me win
Enjoying the crisp morning air
Before heading back in
To lay down next to you
My fingers running
Through your hair
You awaken to a kiss
And your coffee cup
While I hold you in my arms
And time stands still
But I open my eyes
And you’re not really there
It was all in my mind
A dream every time
Maybe one day
When I open my eyes
I’ll be lucky enough
To lay them on my prize
But until then
I’ll keep meditating
And I’ll keep waiting
For the Universe to
Finally let me win
And your heart
To let me in again

Chasing Time

I understand the value of time
So I won’t waste yours
And I won’t waste mine
By chasing after you all the time
I will be here
I’m not going anywhere
But I’m done needing you
Like I need to breathe air
If you want to talk to me
You know where I’ll be
So enjoy your space
Enjoy your time
It’s time for me
To learn to live with mine
Can’t keep on waiting
Gotta stop chasing
No more anticipating
No more hesitating
On my end
When all we are now
Is just friends
The ball is in your court
My heart is still in my hand
And right here on my sleeve
But I understand
The value of time
I won’t waste yours anymore
And I won’t waste mine
I’m not going to chase someone
Who doesn’t have time for me…

False Hope

I read your posts
I scroll through your timeline
I don’t know what I’m looking for
Don’t know what I’m hoping to find.
I just keep sitting here
Spinning my wheels
It hurts too bad to tell you
Exactly how I feel
It hurts inside pretending
That I don’t care at all
Hurts too bad wishing
One day you’ll text or call
So I sit here each day
Full of false hope
My heart tied to an anchor
This hope is the rope
That one day we’ll be together
You and I once again
But I also know it might be never
And we may not even be friends
Our twin paths intersected
Intertwined and then diverged
Life was so much better
When our paths did merge
But you had to go your own way
And I had to go mine
Still I keep hoping
Again our paths will intertwine
Til then I’ll keep pretending
And tugging on this rope
That anchors your heart to mine
And fills me with false hope.

Why Did You Run?

Why did you run?
Why did you hide?
Why do you deny
What we both felt inside?
Always and Forever
Are the words YOU swore
You promised to
Leave me never
You said you loved me MORE
I get it, your life
Was torn all apart
But that didn’t mean
You had to take your heart
From me to have your space
To have your time
He stabbed you in the back
When you broke his heart
The love for HIM you lacked
You didn’t have to break mine
Now we’re also torn apart
Why did you run?
Why is it me you ignore
You said you’d be here
In my time of need
I’ll lying here on the floor
But you cannot see
Because I put on a brave face
I hide it well.
So she doesn’t know
That I’m running away, as well.
Nowhere for me to go
But here I can’t stay
You took back your love
And threw my heart away.
Why did you run?
When I needed you the most?
You said you’d make me whole again
Now your love, your words are just a ghost…

The Maze

Nothing makes sense
Nothing feels right
No matter what I do
It just feels wrong
I want to ignore you
But I want to tell you
Everything that’s going on
I want you to see me
But I don’t want you to see
That I’m hurting
I keep trying
I keep pretending
That this is working
I feel like a jerk for lurking
But we don’t talk
It feels awkward
I don’t even know
How you feel
You seem happy
I feel crappy
I can’t tell you what I feel
I’m not supposed to talk to you
I’m supposed to ignore
I’m supposed to go back
To the way we were before
My mind races
From giving you space and
From giving you time
You have your new life
I have kids and a wife
Who depend on me
Can’t talk to you
Can’t ask you to
Wait for me
For what it seems
Was all a dream
Of the two of us together
I meant what I said
Every time I said
Always and Forever
Inside I cry
In the bathroom I hide
For what feels like hours
So no one knows
The pain that grows
Moving on,
I just don’t have the power.
This just doesn’t make sense
Nothing feels right
No one that I can talk to
Wish I could tell you
Just how I feel
But that’s not part of the deal
Don’t want to eat
Don’t want to drink
Don’t want to think
Don’t want to miss you
But I’m always hungry
And always thirsty
My mind always spinning
My thoughts are always with you
Too many questions
But I don’t want the answers
So much I want to say
Dammit, Why am I this way?
I feel like a fool.
I feel like a tool.
Why can’t I just be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Instead of wandering in this haze
Caught pretending,
Alone in this maze…

Turning Back The Clock

Turning back time
Before there was a you and I
Trying to forget
The words you said and why
Turning back the clock
To when we were merely friends
A joke here, a comment there
There was no love to end
Except you were always in my heart
And always on my mind
You were there from the start
You were there all the time
No I have to pretend
That I never loved you
Turned back the clock
To when we were just friends
Back before I told you
But it’s difficult to erase
All the feelings that you gave me
It’s difficult not to see your face
When I close my eyes and dream
Because I have always loved you
Loved you from the very start
In my dreams, it was always you
Who lived inside my heart
So I just can’t turn back the clock
Can’t twist the hands of time
Because even though
I never said the words
I always wanted you to be mine.
Easy for you to move on
Accept our love’s now gone
But you were the center
Of my world
To me you were the sun.
You turned back the hands of time
Before there was a you and I
I guess you forgot
The words you said
Forgot the reasons why
Now to you, we’re just friends again
There’s no more you and I…

The Hypocrite

I am a hypocrite
I am a liar
In order to be with you
I have to set her world on fire
I will have to give her this pain
In order to be with you again
How do I give up on
Someone that I love?
To be with someone
Who fits like a glove?
She loves with me,
I’m in love with you
So from her
I hide the truth
And I keep all of these
Feelings hidden inside
Wishing one day
To be by your side
But you said we
Can only be friends
And your love for me
Is now different.
So I’m stuck here,
Pants on fire
Living a double life
As a hypocrite
And a liar…

Twin Beach Chairs

You said one day
You’d take me to
Your favorite beach spot
We’d sit in twin beach chairs
Soaking in the sun
And listening to the ocean
Drinks in hand
Feet in the sand
Sitting side by side
Lounging and laughing
In our twin beach chairs
Then at night
We’d watch the stars
Floating in the sky
Listening to the waves
Crashing to the shore nearby
Lounging and laughing
In our twin beach chairs
We’d make that drive together
Your hand in mine
The excitement of being together
Tingling down my spine
Sitting on the sofa
Lost in each other’s eyes
It’s been a year
Since we made those plans
What a year it has been
First friends, then lovers
Then friends again
Now, we feel like strangers
No more plans
No more future
No longer in your heart
Now that we’ve grown apart
No more waves
No more beach days
No more lounging
No more laughing
no more twin beach chairs for me
Maybe one day
You’ll find your way
Back into my waiting arms
We’ll have beach days
And catch some rays
Before heading back to
Rainbow Phoenix Farms
But til then
I’ll just pretend
That I no longer care
I’ll pretend that you’re not
Sitting with someone else
Lounging & Laughing
In your twin beach chairs…

If You Ask Me To

If you ask me to
I’d give up everything I have
To start a life together
To forge a brand new path
If you ask me to
I’d drive 1000 miles
Just to hold you in my arms
Just to see you smile
If you ask me to
I’d do anything
Just so you could see
The joy to me, you bring
If you ask me to
I’d give up THIS life
Just to build a new one with you
Finally husband and wife
If you ask me to
I’d figure out how to make us work
Even if it means, to my friends
I’d look like a jerk
If you ask me to
I’d do anything to make you happy
I’d cook and clean and all the things
I’d write love poems that are sappy
If you ask me to
I’d give you my heart
Never would you be alone
Never would we part.
If you ask me to
I’d give you my all
But you don’t ask
You don’t text
You never even call
If you ask me to
I couldn’t say no to you
But you don’t ask at all,
So I don’t have to…