It Must Be Me

It must be me
Trust only deceives
I take people for what I see
I want to believe
All I do is grieve
When they’re not who
I expect them to be
So I shut down again
And hide the pain
Until someone new comes along
Then it starts again
I forgot the plan
Then they too prove me wrong
Letting them in
That is my sin
And believing they’re just like me
But they’re not really there
They don’t really care
Even after they swear
They’ll always be there
To lend an ear
So I get so excited
Finally, I’ll be set free
But the friendship
Is only one-sided
I must be me
Stop putting my faith in thee
Stop overreacting
Cuz I have no friends
Who I can depend
A shoulder to lean on?
I’m lacking.
So I’ll withdraw once more
Closing another door
Because I’m just socially awkward
Because no one I see
Is quite like me
Nobody really gets me
Until the next time
Committing the same crime
Assuming someone will come save me
They can’t hear silent cries
Can’t see through my disguise
Nobody can tell that I’m faking
Whole life feels like a lie
I’m dying inside
Whole body’s numb
I’m shaking
Maybe one day, I’ll find joy
Maybe someday, I’ll find peace
And going through life won’t be a chore
And I’ll finally calm the beast
Who lives deep inside
Who I try to hide
Keep him away from the surface
But I wonder if it’s worth it
If I finally shout
And let the beast out
Would anyone even notice?