What Scares Me

I think what scares me
Is uncertainty
Of not knowing
What’s happening
Live in the moment
Enjoy the day
Enjoy each breath
Stop worrying about
The time you have left
But I have to know
How things will end
Before my brain
Can even begin
To think about
The here and now
Turn it off?
I don’t know how.
I need to know
I need to plan
Just in case
Something happens
Sitting still
Waiting
Hesitating
Anticipating
Dreading
Fretting
Never forgetting
When I was a kid
Life was simple
But turbulent
Back when ignorance
Was bliss
Why am I now like this
Always needing to be in control
Always looking for a way to hold-
On and navigate the storms
That my come,
Is this my new norm?
Living through anxiety
Chaos is what scares me
As I worry about not knowing
Which way this life is going
To turn out, just like I planned
I try to speak it into existence
Hoping that I’ve earned the right
To take the next step in my life
Where calm replaces chaos & strife
And in the world
I just exist
No longer
Am I doing this
Have I done my job
Have I done my best
Or was all this worry
Simply useless?