STRANGERS

The moment we first met
I felt us connect
And you said you felt it too
Then we became friends
With an invisible bond, a tether
Our friendship could end? Never!
I always loved you from afar
Held a space deep in my heart
But I could never tell you
I didn’t want to ruin it
Didn’t want to see our friendship end
But we shared a bond so deep
We shared a bond so true
One day I finally had to tell you-
I told you my hopes
I told you my fears
I told you my dreams
I showed you my tears
I gave you my heart
To you, I bared my soul
You promised to be here
Together, We’d grow old
You let me in
Said we’d still be friends
No matter what happens…
But now you’ve moved on-
Both love and friendship are gone
Another shot in the gut
But I’m such a dope
For holding out hope
That one day we’ll be together
Just a bump in the road
On our path to always
Our path to forever
But I’m still here
And you’re still there
We don’t even talk any more
I can’t look at you
Without feeling blue
Can’t think of you and not be sad
Should have kept it inside
I shouldn’t have tried…
I could have saved my tears
Would have saved a whole year
A year of sadness and anger
But I tempted Fate
And I learned too late
That we’re not even friends
We’re just Strangers…

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

Out of sight
Out of mind
I gave you space
I gave you time
Took back your heart
And gave back mine
Said we’d still be friends
But you were just lying
Sometimes I start
To fall apart
Remembering all
Those things you said
Like we’d always
Be together
Turns out forever’s
Not really forever
A love grown cold
A friendship severed
You said we’d grow old
Spend the rest of our lives together
I’d hold your hand
And you’d hold mine
Always and Forever
Until the end of time
But you needed time
And you needed space
You needed something
That I couldn’t replace
So now we just float on by
Words left unsaid
We’re both alive
But our love is dead
Both out of sight
Both out of mind
Hope you’re enjoying your space
Hope you’re enjoying your time
While I try to get over
The fact you’re no longer mine
You still have your heart
I still have mine
This loneliness is maddening
I’m going out of my mind…

Lingering

Lingering
Longing
Wanting
Haunting
At night
I pace the floor.
Wishing
Hating
Missing
Anticipating
That you’ll
Finally walk back
Through that door.
I steal a glance
I sneak a peak
But I don’t want
You to see me
You needed space
You needed time
You needed to be free.
So here I stay
And there you go
Alone and apart
You suffer there
I languish here,
Both with holes
In our hearts.
No other lover
Could ever cover
We used to fit like a glove.
But time and distance
And your resistance
Brought an end to our love
Your heart was shattered
By someone who matter
Yet I’m the one
Who paid the price
I watch from a far
Remembering the scars
Of how things used to be
But if you’re suffering
If you’re lonely,
Why can’t you just
Reach out to me?
For now, we both linger
We both long,
We both pace the floor
Haunted by the love we wanted
But the love we don’t have anymore
Wishing,
Hating,
Missing
Anticipating
When love will
Finally walk
Back through that door.

Wanting to See You

I thought I wanted to see you
I figured enough time had passed
I thought I was finally over
Finally over you at last
But then I remembered last Christmas
I remembered all the words you said
I remembered last December
When Always meant Forever
Back when we were more than friends.
I thought I wanted to see you
I thought that had I moved on
But now the thought has me triggered
Now I know that I was wrong.
I still not over you
No matter how much time has passed
Eleven months is just not enough
To wipe away our past.
I thought I wanted to see you
But I think I’ll just drive right by
To save myself from the tears
To save myself from being That Guy
I thought I wanted to see you
I figured that I had moved on
But now the thought of you has me triggered
Now I know that I was wrong.

Day Drinking

Day Drinking
Keeps me from thinking
Which keeps me from sinking
Further into my feelings
But the drinking
Still leads to thinking
And drunk thinking
Leaves me reeling
And all up in my feelings
My emotions hit the ceiling
Overthinking
Stop drinking
Stop thinking
Stop this sinking
Turn off my feelings
Stop all this reeling
Can’t do this again
Trying to numb the pain
Makes it hurt more
Just close that door
What’s it all for?
But I need to numb the feeling
Need to stop overthinking
So I just keep day drinking
And I just keep sinking
It’s a vicious cycle…

What Scares Me

I think what scares me
Is uncertainty
Of not knowing
What’s happening
Live in the moment
Enjoy the day
Enjoy each breath
Stop worrying about
The time you have left
But I have to know
How things will end
Before my brain
Can even begin
To think about
The here and now
Turn it off?
I don’t know how.
I need to know
I need to plan
Just in case
Something happens
Sitting still
Waiting
Hesitating
Anticipating
Dreading
Fretting
Never forgetting
When I was a kid
Life was simple
But turbulent
Back when ignorance
Was bliss
Why am I now like this
Always needing to be in control
Always looking for a way to hold-
On and navigate the storms
That my come,
Is this my new norm?
Living through anxiety
Chaos is what scares me
As I worry about not knowing
Which way this life is going
To turn out, just like I planned
I try to speak it into existence
Hoping that I’ve earned the right
To take the next step in my life
Where calm replaces chaos & strife
And in the world
I just exist
No longer
Am I doing this
Have I done my job
Have I done my best
Or was all this worry
Simply useless?

It Must Be Me

It must be me
Trust only deceives
I take people for what I see
I want to believe
All I do is grieve
When they’re not who
I expect them to be
So I shut down again
And hide the pain
Until someone new comes along
Then it starts again
I forgot the plan
Then they too prove me wrong
Letting them in
That is my sin
And believing they’re just like me
But they’re not really there
They don’t really care
Even after they swear
They’ll always be there
To lend an ear
So I get so excited
Finally, I’ll be set free
But the friendship
Is only one-sided
I must be me
Stop putting my faith in thee
Stop overreacting
Cuz I have no friends
Who I can depend
A shoulder to lean on?
I’m lacking.
So I’ll withdraw once more
Closing another door
Because I’m just socially awkward
Because no one I see
Is quite like me
Nobody really gets me
Until the next time
Committing the same crime
Assuming someone will come save me
They can’t hear silent cries
Can’t see through my disguise
Nobody can tell that I’m faking
Whole life feels like a lie
I’m dying inside
Whole body’s numb
I’m shaking
Maybe one day, I’ll find joy
Maybe someday, I’ll find peace
And going through life won’t be a chore
And I’ll finally calm the beast
Who lives deep inside
Who I try to hide
Keep him away from the surface
But I wonder if it’s worth it
If I finally shout
And let the beast out
Would anyone even notice?

Date #3

I don’t want to come on too strong
But I don’t want to be wrong
I don’t want to be the only one
Who feels this way
But you need your time
Before I can give you mine
I need to do this the right way
To make sure this is true
To earn the right to be with you
And that this just isn’t some phase
But I want you to see
All that you mean
I want to be your peace
The peace that you deserve
So I worked up the nerve
To finally say all these things
But more than words to you
I swear that I will be true
Never Intentionally cause you pain
I know what that’s like,
Try with all my might
Never to feel that way again.
I know this is a lot
But I’m shooting my shot
What else have to got?
I’m just a dude with a pig
But your smile I dig
And in your eyes I get lost
I’d give anything
For the chance to see
You smile daily,
Holding you close to me
Here you can see
My heart’s on my sleeve
Wishing and hoping that we
Can finally get to Date #3

Wearing My Heart On My Sleeve

I’m going to lay it out there
Because it’s the only way I know to be
I need you to want me
I don’t want to be the one you need
I want to fall asleep holding you
And wake-up to see your face
I’m sorry if this seems so forward
But time is something I don’t ever waste
I want to be the one who holds you
When life gets a bit rough
And to be the one you turn to
When you feel like giving up
I know we barely know each other
Haven’t seen each other in years
But I don’t want to do this with another
You help me ease my fears
About what I need to do
So that I can be free
To move on to Chapter 2
The part of life where I start again
Making memories, not planning pretend
Being with someone who makes me happy
And someone who makes me smile
Someone to complete this journey
Someone who makes it all worthwhile
And though I cannot give you the world
I’m handing you my heart
Hoping you will be my girl
Hoping for a brand new start
There’s so much to talk about
There’s a lot to work out
You have a life without me in it
Your days and nights your own
I can’t even give myself to you fully
Only make my thoughts of you known
But if with me, you take this chance
To step out of our comfort zones
And get past our reservations
To conquer our hesitations
To make the life we’re both owed
I don’t know if we’re truly soul mates
But I’m willing to find out
I don’t want to continue wandering
I need to erase the doubt
If I finally get the chance
I’ll do everything I can
To prove to you
My heart is true
And I deserve to be your man

Why Am I Like This?

Why am I like this?
Why do I feel everything so deeply?
Why do I always fall?
Why am I like this?
Why am I shutting down again?
Why do I get so excited?
Why do I let people in?
Why am I like this?
Why am I this way?
Why do I get so caught up?
Why do I make them run away?
Why am I like this?
Why can’t I be happy?
Why can’t I find joy
In what’s right in front of me?
Why am I like this?
Why does it always hurt?
Why do I always end up
Feeling like a jerk?
Why am I like this?
Why doesn’t anybody else see?
That I don’t want to be here,
That it hurts to be me?
Why am I like this?
Why do I do this to myself?
Why do I imagine,
That I can escape
To somewhere else?
And what happens if one day
I’m finally lucky enough to get away?
Will I still be like this?
Will this pain finally go away?