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Why Did You Run?

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Why did you run?
Why did you hide?
Why do you deny
What we both felt inside?
Always and Forever
Are the words YOU swore
You promised to
Leave me never
You said you loved me MORE
I get it, your life
Was torn all apart
But that didn’t mean
You had to take your heart
From me to have your space
To have your time
He stabbed you in the back
When you broke his heart
The love for HIM you lacked
You didn’t have to break mine
Now we’re also torn apart
Why did you run?
Why is it me you ignore
You said you’d be here
In my time of need
I’ll lying here on the floor
But you cannot see
Because I put on a brave face
I hide it well.
So she doesn’t know
That I’m running away, as well.
Nowhere for me to go
But here I can’t stay
You took back your love
And threw my heart away.
Why did you run?
When I needed you the most?
You said you’d make me whole again
Now your love, your words are just a ghost…

Tangerine Popsicles

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Tangerine Popsicles
At night before you go to bed
Serial Killer & Murder Shows
On my chest you lay your head
You hear my heart beating
Because my heart belongs to you
Falling asleep, you in my arms
Each and every night
Waking up every morning,
Still holding you tight
But I never got to hold you
And watch you fall to sleep
Except only in my dreams
Every night it felt so real
But the dream
Won’t come true it seems
Around your heart
You built a wall
No longer can I come in
And our love did take a fall
My flame’s no longer my twin
You still get a tangerine popsicle
Every night before you go to bed
Your serial killer & murder shows
But on a pillow you lay your head
My heart’s stop beating
I’m all alone, no one on my chest
No kisses from your lips
No “I Love You” on your breath
At least not me anyway
The dream, now a nightmare
I suffer here in silence
You don’t even care
Tangerine Popsicles
And your murder shows
Your nightly routine
Goes on every night without me
That’s not what forever means

3 Weeks

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3 weeks ago
I cut you out of my life
Erased all your pictures and texts
Decided I finally had to move on
And see what happens next
I got tired of feeling
Like the only one who was trying
Weary of getting my hopes up
Knowing to myself I was lying.
Knowing that we’d never get back
To the way we were before
That “Always and Forever”
Weren’t walking back through that door.
I started to move on,
Started to turn the corner
Came to grips your love was gone
Your love for me no longer.
I gave up asking myself
If you even cared how I was
Put my heart back on the shelf
Feelings no longer a buzz…
Been 3 weeks since you
Said a word to me
Been 3 weeks,
Since I decided to let you be
Been down this road
I know it quite well
One sided romance
Puts me through hell.
Trying to move on,
Trying to work on me.
Trying to figure out
Just who I’m supposed to be
In 3 weeks you never wrote
In 3 weeks we never spoke
In 3 weeks, I surrounded
My heart with a moat
And just like that
You bring all those feelings back
When you asked me how I was
Then talked about your cat.
Then nothing again,
We’re at an impasse
Pain and confusion returned
After my 3 week fast
Do I respond?
Do I reply?
Do I make a fool of myself
And get caught up in a lie?
That I don’t still love you
That you’re not still in my heart.
What am I supposed to do?
How do I restart?
To cut you out of my life
And try to make it 3 more weeks.
Will weeks turn to months?
And months turn to years?
Will I ever turn on the radio
And not well up with tears?
We have so much in common
EVERYTHING reminds me of you.
Now we’re no longer an option,
What am I supposed to do?
The longest 3 weeks that I have ever lived
With no one that I can turn to
No one for this love to give…

Ghost Busting

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I want to reach out to you
I feel like I need to say something
But what I don’t want to do
Is mess it up and say the wrong thing
I can’t afford to put myself out there again
Can’t take the chance of being just your friend
It’s a lose-lose situation
No way I can win.
If I give in and you’re not ready
Then it will only hurt me
So I sit here and say nothing
That’s not who I’m supposed to be
I’m not cold and heartless
I really do still care
You’re the one who moved on
And left me standing there
What if this was you trying
To get back to being just friends?
Trying to get back to “normal” again
I’m not ready to try,
I’m still not over you
And how you told me goodbye
And how Forever turned into Never
And all the tears I cried
I want to reach out to you
And ask you how you’re doing
Ask about your family
But doing will only
Show you’re moving on without me
I don’t want to know that you’re fine
I don’t want to see that you’re okay
I want to know how you sleep at night
I want to know if you miss me
But why don’t you reach out
Why doing you check in on me
When my life was falling apart
Why weren’t you here for me?
Wrestling with these thoughts and feelings
Wrestling with my fears
How can I take that next step
When my support has disappeared
Can I do this by myself
Can I do this on my own
And if I do this at all
How do I do life all alone?
I want to reach out to you
I want to reply so bad
But I know that if I do
It will only make me sad
Because there’s no more You & I
There’s no more Beauty & the Beast
No more Albert & Allegra
There’s no more you and me
You used to ease my pain
You used to calm my storms
I can’t put myself out there again
Knowing that you moved on
So I’ll sit here in silence
Messages left on Read
No reply can I provide you
What I want to say left unsaid
I still love you, I still miss you
I remember back to those days
When they weren’t just words
That just faded away
You were my flame
You were my twin
You were my one and only
But you needed time
You needed space
You needed to move on without me
I didn’t need time
I didn’t need space
I had already found myself
I needed you in my life again
I don’t want anyone else
You were my hope, you were my dreams
Every time I closed my eyes
But now when I think of you
It makes me want to cry…

10:10

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I’m scared to put myself out there
And tell you how I feel
Too scared to tell you that I miss you
To ask if what we had was real
It hurts too much to talk to you
To think that you don’t miss me too
To think that this is how it really ends
To think that we can’t even be friends
Because thinking about you reminds me
That you said we could never be
I hate looking, because I don’t want to see
That you’re moving on without me.
I’m glad to see that you’re happy
I wish that I could say the same
But every time I think I’m good
I feel this overwhelming pain-
Because whenever I close my eyes
It’s you I always saw by my side
But you’ve moved on to your new life
While I sit here dying inside
Wishing that you could somehow see
That I needed you to set me free

Signs

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Slow Down
Dangerous Curves
No Trespassing
I ignored them all
I didn’t hear the sirens
Or see the lights flashing
Too blinded by the fall-
“Always Kiss Me Goodnight”
“Seminole Family”
“Mr. & Mrs.”
Were the signs to adorn our walls
Stop
No U-Turn
Dead End
Are the only signs left now
That your love for me has come to an end
And I am left here to wonder how
I missed all the signs,
I missed it when you slowed down
I missed it when your heart,
You took back again
And left me standing here
At this Dead End.
I had hoped that all we had in common
Was the greatest of all the signs
That we’d be together forever
That we’d stand the test of time
But as he left, he broke your heart
In the wake of your loves’ destruction
It tore our relationship apart
Our lives together,
no longer Under Construction

When

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When does this get easier?
When does the pain go away?
When can I talk to you again?
What can I even say?
When are you going to reach out?
Or will that even happen again?
Why do we pretend not to notice
What happened to being friends?

Does it hurt you as much it does me
To pretend that you’re not right there,
To ignore your posts,
To pretend that I no longer care?
Or have you moved on now
And no longer play pretend?
The feelings that you once felt
Had finally reached their end?
You moved on to a life without me,
After giving me such hope.
Of a life and love together,
Now all I do is mope.

When does this get easier?
When does the pain go away?
When can I talk to you again?
What can I even say?
When are you going to reach out?
Or will that even happen again?
Why do we pretend not to notice
What happened to being friends?

Deleted your photos from my phone,
Deleted all of your texts.
I thought that I was strong,
That I could move on.
Thought that I could handle
What comes next.
Instead, I pretend not to notice,
I pretend not to see
My feelings and emotions
I hide deep inside me.
But every now and then they surface
And I have to hide my pain,
Or I lash out at someone else.
When I’m forced to feel again.

You promised a new life together
One of happiness and joy
You’d take away my sadness
Be my always and forever
Now I’m drowning in my madness
Knowing that I could hold you never

When does this get easier?
When does the pain go away?
When can I talk to you again?
What can I even say?
When are you going to reach out?
Or will that even happen again?
Why do we pretend not to notice
What happened to being friends?

#AllTheThings

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I wanted to be part of your life
Wanted to be in your Tribe
Wanted to be your family
Wanted to join your Pride
I wanted to do #AllTheThings
I wanted Always & Forevers
Wanted to give you all the love
Wanted a life together
I wanted to give you everything
My love, my heart, my time
I wanted fill your heart
The way that you did mine
Give you the love that you deserve
Give you the moon & stars
And show our children how to love
When someone values their worth
I wanted to live inside your world
To be you man, you’d be my girl
Experience a life together
So simple and sublime
To live our lives together
Until the end of time…

Nobody But Me

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Who do I turn to?
Where do I run?
What to do with this pain?
Who can I talk to?
Who can I share with?
Will I ever love again?
What about my hurt?
What about my feelings?
Anxiety as high as the ceiling…
Nobody knows how scared
Wish somebody cared
About the hole in my heart.
The one who I let in
Who started out as a friend
She needed time and space
So stuck here I sit
Sometimes feeling like shit
Can’t get out of my own head
Secret tears I cry
Pain inside I hide
Was our love just a lie?
I thought our love was true
I thought I was meant for you
Now what am I supposed to do?
I keep writing it all down
Here feeling like a clown
You’ll never see the words I write
Is this just a waste of time?
Covid made me wear a mask
So nobody will see to ask
If I’m doing okay.
Just act like nothing’s wrong
Keep posting the songs
So nobody knows what’s going on.
And I’ll just keep pretending
That this pain is not unending
And that I’m not dying inside
Nowhere else to turn
Lessons that I learned
A lesson that didn’t come free
No one I can trust
Once settled is the dust
Nobody to take care of me,
Nobody that is, except for me…

A New Direction

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She has a new focus
She has a new direction
She’s found a new path
Her life has new meaning
She has options
She has choices
She doesn’t need to settle
She has a new plan
She don’t need a man
She’s finally found her mettle
She’s doesn’t need your heart
Doesn’t need you to start
This new life she’s built
Doesn’t want your pain
She’s now free again
She doesn’t want your guilt
She’s focused on her kids
She’s focused on her friends
No time for you, it’s true
Chose to stand alone
Chose to build her home
Her new life doesn’t include you
She has a new focus
She has a new direction
She’s found a new path
Her life’s meaning renewed
Time to accept the pain
Time to swallow your pride
Time for you to realize
That her vision of a new life
Simply doesn’t include you…

Who Can I Turn To?

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Who can I turn to?
When I feel all alone
When life gets too much
When all my hope is gone
Who can I turn to?
To help me through the day
To tell me that my worries
Will eventually go away
Who can I turn to?
When the day is hard to bear
Who’s gonna tell me I needed?
Who’s gonna be standing there?
Who can I turn to?
When I get sick of it all
Who’s gonna pick me up,
When I eventually fall.
Who can I turn to?
Now that you’ve turned away
When my heart is breaking
Every single day.
Who can I turn to?
While these thoughts I keep inside
Anxiety, tears and fears
Hidden deep, I hide.
Who can I turn to?
They all said to reach out
But nobody’s ever around
When I’m consumed by self-doubt
Who can I turn to?
When I’m so full of pain
I wish that you were here
To make me feel whole again
But you’re long gone
Making it on your own
You have someone for you
But what if you’re a man
Surrounded by friends
And not one of them has your back
And the one person who said would,
That she’d always be there
And that she’d always care
She’s now gone forever
And she ain’t ever coming back

11:11

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Time flies
Time stands still
Time stops
All this time
So much time
Alone with my thoughts.
Thoughts of her
Thoughts of us
Thoughts of we
Thoughts of the past
Thoughts of the future
Is she thinking of me?
Screenshot and delete
Screenshot and delete
Screenshot
And
Delete
Hour after Hour,
Continuously on repeat.
Space and time
My racing mind
A broken heart
A heart that bleeds
A heart that pleads
Of all her needs
But what about me
I understand
She has a plan
She needs time to heal
She needs space to build
Herself a new life
Because of the strife
That tore the old one apart
She needs the time
She needs the space
Before we can start
Moving forward
Moving toward
A life together
A life that’s better
For us both
A life of hope
A life of love
A life of fate
But I must wait
For her to be ready
I must be steady
To be her rock
To be the one
When the time comes
No! Stop!
Don’t watch the clock.
Don’t send that text
Don’t be that guy
Just give her her space
Give her her time
For if you do
Once she is through
Maybe she’ll finally come back
Maybe she’ll find her way back to you
But what if she’s gone for good?

Love Letters from a Friend

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One day when you’re here and I’m finally gone.
I’m going to leave you with this book of poems
Not to make you sad,
Not to bring you down.
But show you how I feel when you’re not around
To show you just what you meant to me.
The depth of love in my heart you will see.
These aren’t words of sadness,
Not words of despair.
But words to show you
Just how deeply I care.
My words simply express how I feel.
My words show you that my love is real.
The words I couldn’t tell you to your face,
These words were formed when I gave you your space.
I gave you time, so you could heal.
Time when I couldn’t tell you just what I feel.
Because I cherish and love you with all of my heart.
Looking to the future, when we’re no longer apart.
All those times you were there and I couldn’t see.
I’ll always be here, you will feel me.
Read these words and feel no sorrow.
Though we are apart today,
We’ll be together, forever, come tomorrow…

Anxiety

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I do this to myself
It’s all inside my own head
Anxiety, Longing, Misery & Dread
You never said that you hated me
Never said we couldn’t be friends
That you just couldn’t give someone else your heart again
You said you needed space
You said you needed time
To figure out how to move on
To figure out your new life
But in my head, all I heard
“That’s It! We’re Done! We’re through!”
But in reality you said
“I need to learn to live my life without you…”
“You needed to devote your time to work and family…”
What I heard inside my brain
“You’re planning to move on without me…”
I’ll give you time, I’ll give you space
I’ll let you move on with your life.
Stuck inside my head,
Left standing in place,
Fighting all these thoughts inside my mind…

My Muse

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You made me want to be a better person
To be a better man
To be a better father
Encouraged me to do the best I can
You picked me up when I was down
You cheered me on everyday
Everything that you did to help me,
I simply can’t explain,
The words get in the way
You opened up my eyes
To things I forgot about
I stepped outside my comfort zone,
You let the old me out
You taught me how to love again
Helped me overcome my self-doubt
The loved that you have shown me
Helped to see me through
Of all of the people who have known me
My favorite one of them is you.
You inspired me to write these rhymes
Back when your love was mine
Forever will you be my Muse
Until the end of time

Unsent Love Letters to a Friend

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Unsent Love Letters to a Friend
To try to ease my pain
To show how much I miss her
And make me feel whole again
Unsent Love Letters to a Friend
To help heal the hole in my heart
To tell her what I was feeling
As we grew apart
Unsent Love Letters to a Friend
Are filled with all my anguish
To put the words on paper
While in misery I languish
Unsent Love Letters to a Friend
The words I could never say
I keep wishing and keep
That she’ll be back again some day
Unsent Love Letters to a Friend
Words not meant to send
Thinking back on a time
When we were more than friends
Unsent Love Letters to a Friend
The questions in my head-
Did she miss me?
Is this hard on her?
Did she mean the words she said?
Unsent Love Letters to a Friend
How much longer will I cry?
How much longer do I have to hide?
How much longer do I have to lie?
Unsent Love Letters to a Friend
Every word I said, I meant
I could never lie to you
My heart I gave, not lent

0-60

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We went from 0-60
To a full-stop and then
I thought that we could keep going
Being more than friends
We wanted to move on
You needed time and space
I wanted to hold on
Didn’t want to be replaced
We went from 0-60
It happened all so fast
2 friends so similar
Who knew it wouldn’t last?
We went from 0-60
Slowed down, friendship we tried
But it proved to difficult,
The feelings I kept inside
So we went from 60-0
Slowed down at 45,
Then 30, 20, and all of a sudden
You’re now missing from my life.
We went from 0-60
Promises of love forever
The words we said
I always meant
Your heart I’ll always treasure.
We went from 0-60
Now the pain it fills my heart
8 months we were together
3 months we’ve been apart.
We went from 0-60
My joy quickly turned to pain
The feelings that we felt so true
Never will we regain?
We went from 0-60
You held my heart within your hand
Never can we trust another
With our hearts again.
We went from 0-60
Then you pulled the ripcord-
I think my chute’s not working,
But it looks like you soared…
When went from 0-60
I know this was hard for you
But watching from the outside
Tough to swallow, yes it’s true
We went from 0-60
How do I move on?
With my life?
When my life,
Has left me-
And now she’s gone?

The Things I Miss

I miss intimacy
I miss affection
I miss longing
I miss touch
I miss connection
I miss passion
I miss feeling
I miss love
I miss desire
I miss being needed
I miss being wanted
I miss being craved
I miss that feeling
Of love
That crashes over you
Like a wave
I miss warmth
I miss the heat
I miss that spark
I miss the flame
I miss the things
That we do in the dark
I miss me
The old me
The one who was free
But what I really miss
Is someone who
Wants to be
With me…

Bad Things, Good People

Bad things
Happen to good people
For no apparent reason
Bad things
Happen to good people
No matter time or season
You do the best you can
Then your whole world
Turns upside down
You take it
Turn the other cheek
Only to get kicked
While you’re still down
You try to grin and bear it
You try to overcome
Your burden, you can’t share it
Because you’re not the only one
Bad things
Happen to good people
It’s crazy
Because it’s true
Bad things
Happen to good people
What are we supposed to do?
Horrible people
Get all the breaks
They have all the luck
Bad things
Always happen
To good people
Seriously,
What the fuck?

Why Do I Cry?

Why
Do I cry
Over someone
Who doesn’t want
Me?
Why
Does it hurt
To miss someone
Who doesn’t see
Me?
Why
Do I try?
Why
Do I
Keep letting
You
Hurt Me?
Why
Do I care
That you’re not
There?
Why
Am I blind
To all that is
Here
Right here
In front of
Me?
Why
Do I
Keep getting
My Hopes
Up?
When it is
Plain to see
That You
Don’t
Give A Damn
About
Me…

It Took Losing You, To Find Myself

It took losing you
To find myself
I thought you were want I wanted
More than anyone else
But now that you’re gone
I can finally see
I wasn’t looking for you
I was trying to re-find me
I wasn’t happy with the life I had
The constant monotony
Just made me sad
I poured my heart and soul
Into loving you
Spent all my time
Trying to build something new
Now I look back
And see that I was wrong
What I needed
Was in front of me all along
I was just blind
I couldn’t see
Too busy trying to be
Everything for someone else
Neglecting the one
Who loves me more
Than anyone else
It took losing you
To finally find myself
I thought I wanted you
But all I really wanted was me.

White Knight, Black Heart

I’m not looking for a damsel in distress,
I want someone who can hold their own
I don’t want someone who needs me,
Or someone afraid to be alone
I want someone who sees me
As a partner and an equal,
That I’m not like all those other guys
I’m not a copy cat or sequel
I want someone who wants me
Someone who will be my partner
Someone who’ll help me up
Someone who will push me farther
I tired of being the white knight
Always there on his trusty steed
There to save you, in your time of need
I want someone who’s will is strong
Someone who’s just happy to exist
Someone whose love for me lasts long
Someone whose heart just can’t resist
I’m tired of climbing castle walls
I’m tired of swimming across moats
I’m tired of fighting dragons
So very tired of chasing ghosts
I’m tired of saving damsels
Rescuing them from their distress
I’m tired of being the reliable one
I’m ready to give this all a rest
It’s time for this white knight to retire
Time to put away my horse and armor
This suit, is where I hide inside
It looks strong, but it’s starting to rust
I don’t wanna wear it any longer.
No more saving damsels in distress
No more rescuing the fairy princess.
Time to move on from the maidens
And finally find myself a Queen…

Waiting My Turn

I was going to do things right
I was going to wait my turn
That match I didn’t dare light
That bridge, was one I did not want to burn.
I was content to be just friends
My love I kept a secret,
Our friendship,
I did not want to end.
So I waited
For what seemed like a lifetime
Gave up on the dream
That you’d ever be mine
I gave up hope
You moved away
We both seemed happy
With our own families
Then like a bolt
Right out of the blue
You reached out to me
I reached out for you
We both came to find
We shared the same view
I Finally told you
How long I’ve loved you
To my surprise, you felt it too
We promised each other
That we’d always be true
Promised to help the other up
Whenever one of us felt down
But when I needed you most
You just weren’t around
Said you needed time
And you needed space
Time to find yourself
A place to create your space
As I felt my world crumble around me
You moved on, you built a life
You seem fine without me.
I held your hand, I wiped your tears
Promised to make up for lost time
To reclaim the losf years.
But now I’m left to wonder how
And wrestling with why
You’ve moved on
Gave your heart to another guy
You didn’t need time,
You didn’t need space
Why didn’t you just say
That you didn’t really need Me?

175 Miles

175 Miles,
And 2 hours away
I gave you all
The Time & Space
You were free
To live your life
Free to do
Whatever you pleased
Free to come & go
Free to move on
Without me.
I gave you all my time
Though I had none to waste
I gave you my all
Just so I
Could see your face
The time we shared
I savored each moment
You swore you’d always care
Now I sit here and wonder
Pondering where your love went
Because you needed your time
And you needed your space,
You couldn’t love me
From 175 Miles,
And 2 hours away…