You Saved Me

You saved me from hurting her
You saved me from breaking her heart
You saved me from throwing it all away
You saved me from tearing her world apart
You saved me from doing to her,
The things you did to me
You saved me from showing her
This other side of me
You saved me from finding out
After it would have been far too late
You saved me from moving out
You saved me from a big mistake
All this pain you gave to me
I don’t ever want to feel again
More than a lover, I lost my friend
The world just doesn’t feel the same
You saved me from passing on this hurt
From passing on this despair
To some that I still love
But in a much different way
Saved me from telling her
The words I never want to say
Because I know this pain and this hurt
Are far too much to bear
And I could never give them to
Someone for whom I care…

I Won’t Be There

I won’t be there
To repair a heart
That I didn’t break
I won’t be there
To clean up a mess
That I didn’t make
I won’t be there
To wipe away your tears
I won’t be there
To help you face your fears
I won’t be there
When your world starts
To fall apart
I won’t be there
To mend your next
Broken heart
I won’t be there
To save you from
I won’t be there
To help you get over
Someone else.
I won’t be there
To help you
Get back on your feet
I won’t be there
For you
In your time of need.
I won’t be there
For you.
Because you weren’t
Here for me.
You said you’d be here
When I needed you
You said a lot of things
That turned out
To be untrue.
But you abandoned me
In my time of greatest need
I was blind before
But now I finally see
That I need to treat you
The same way you treated me…

Who is He?

Who is He?
And why is he
Sitting in my spot?
Who is He?
And why is he
Everything I’m not?
If I was everything
You wanted
And everything you needed
Then why is He
The person that
You choose to be with?
Would he be willing
To give up everything
Just for you?
Because that’s exactly
What I was going to do.
Who is He
And why is he
Sleeping in my bed?
Who is He
And why is he
Where you chose to
Rest your head?
Can’t you see
That he’ll never be
The one that
Was made for you?
You said I was your flame,
You said we were the same.
But he’s just some random dude…

I Was the One

I was the one
Who picked you up,
Picked you up when you
Wpere feeling down
I was the one
Who was there
And helped you
Fix your crown
I was the one
Who came along
Just as you were
Starting to drown
I was the one
To pull you back
From dark depths of despair
I was the one
That you told
That you’d always
Be there
I was the one
To whom you swore to
That you would
Always be true
I was the one
That held you
When you felt blue
I was the one
Who promised you
A love pure & true
I was the one
Who showed you
How to give your heart
I was the one
Who wanted to
Take care of
Your every need
I was the one
Left with a heart,
A Heart that is
Still bleeding
I was the one
Who believed that
Always meant forever
I was the one
Who made a promise
A promise to leave you never
I was the one
Left standing here,
World torn all apart
I guess I was the one
The only one,
Of us who was
Not pretending
I was the one
Left crying
Over our friendship,
And our relationship

Old Love

Old Love…
Leave Me Alone…
These are the words
From one of my favorite Clapton songs
Twin Flames, you said we were
But now your flame no longer burns…
As I lie here, in this bed alone,
Wondering how I’ll ever get back to
A white hot love, that’s now gone
“Old Love” blaring from the speakers
And dancing around in my head
Laying alone in this empty bed
Remembering all of the words you said…
“And it’s making me so angry…
To know that the flame still burns…”
Clapton softly sings
A “River of Tears” streaming down my face…
Stinging the corners of my eyes,
As the memories still race
Around in circles inside my head
My stomach and my heart both filled with dread…
Music used to be my getaway, my escape.
The music I used to love,
Now fills me with hate-
“Makes me so angry
To know that the flame still burns
Why can’t I get over?
When will I ever learn?
Old love…”


At night
I pace the floor.
That you’ll
Finally walk back
Through that door.
I steal a glance
I sneak a peak
But I don’t want
You to see me
You needed space
You needed time
You needed to be free.
So here I stay
And there you go
Alone and apart
You suffer there
I languish here,
Both with holes
In our hearts.
No other lover
Could ever cover
We used to fit like a glove.
But time and distance
And your resistance
Brought an end to our love
Your heart was shattered
By someone who matter
Yet I’m the one
Who paid the price
I watch from a far
Remembering the scars
Of how things used to be
But if you’re suffering
If you’re lonely,
Why can’t you just
Reach out to me?
For now, we both linger
We both long,
We both pace the floor
Haunted by the love we wanted
But the love we don’t have anymore
When love will
Finally walk
Back through that door.

Wanting to See You

I thought I wanted to see you
I figured enough time had passed
I thought I was finally over
Finally over you at last
But then I remembered last Christmas
I remembered all the words you said
I remembered last December
When Always meant Forever
Back when we were more than friends.
I thought I wanted to see you
I thought that had I moved on
But now the thought has me triggered
Now I know that I was wrong.
I still not over you
No matter how much time has passed
Eleven months is just not enough
To wipe away our past.
I thought I wanted to see you
But I think I’ll just drive right by
To save myself from the tears
To save myself from being That Guy
I thought I wanted to see you
I figured that I had moved on
But now the thought of you has me triggered
Now I know that I was wrong.

Day Drinking

Day Drinking
Keeps me from thinking
Which keeps me from sinking
Further into my feelings
But the drinking
Still leads to thinking
And drunk thinking
Leaves me reeling
And all up in my feelings
My emotions hit the ceiling
Stop drinking
Stop thinking
Stop this sinking
Turn off my feelings
Stop all this reeling
Can’t do this again
Trying to numb the pain
Makes it hurt more
Just close that door
What’s it all for?
But I need to numb the feeling
Need to stop overthinking
So I just keep day drinking
And I just keep sinking
It’s a vicious cycle…

What Scares Me

I think what scares me
Is uncertainty
Of not knowing
What’s happening
Live in the moment
Enjoy the day
Enjoy each breath
Stop worrying about
The time you have left
But I have to know
How things will end
Before my brain
Can even begin
To think about
The here and now
Turn it off?
I don’t know how.
I need to know
I need to plan
Just in case
Something happens
Sitting still
Never forgetting
When I was a kid
Life was simple
But turbulent
Back when ignorance
Was bliss
Why am I now like this
Always needing to be in control
Always looking for a way to hold-
On and navigate the storms
That my come,
Is this my new norm?
Living through anxiety
Chaos is what scares me
As I worry about not knowing
Which way this life is going
To turn out, just like I planned
I try to speak it into existence
Hoping that I’ve earned the right
To take the next step in my life
Where calm replaces chaos & strife
And in the world
I just exist
No longer
Am I doing this
Have I done my job
Have I done my best
Or was all this worry
Simply useless?