Out of Sight, Out of Mind

Out of sight
Out of mind
I gave you space
I gave you time
Took back your heart
And gave back mine
Said we’d still be friends
But you were just lying
Sometimes I start
To fall apart
Remembering all
Those things you said
Like we’d always
Be together
Turns out forever’s
Not really forever
A love grown cold
A friendship severed
You said we’d grow old
Spend the rest of our lives together
I’d hold your hand
And you’d hold mine
Always and Forever
Until the end of time
But you needed time
And you needed space
You needed something
That I couldn’t replace
So now we just float on by
Words left unsaid
We’re both alive
But our love is dead
Both out of sight
Both out of mind
Hope you’re enjoying your space
Hope you’re enjoying your time
While I try to get over
The fact you’re no longer mine
You still have your heart
I still have mine
This loneliness is maddening
I’m going out of my mind…

Lingering

Lingering
Longing
Wanting
Haunting
At night
I pace the floor.
Wishing
Hating
Missing
Anticipating
That you’ll
Finally walk back
Through that door.
I steal a glance
I sneak a peak
But I don’t want
You to see me
You needed space
You needed time
You needed to be free.
So here I stay
And there you go
Alone and apart
You suffer there
I languish here,
Both with holes
In our hearts.
No other lover
Could ever cover
We used to fit like a glove.
But time and distance
And your resistance
Brought an end to our love
Your heart was shattered
By someone who matter
Yet I’m the one
Who paid the price
I watch from a far
Remembering the scars
Of how things used to be
But if you’re suffering
If you’re lonely,
Why can’t you just
Reach out to me?
For now, we both linger
We both long,
We both pace the floor
Haunted by the love we wanted
But the love we don’t have anymore
Wishing,
Hating,
Missing
Anticipating
When love will
Finally walk
Back through that door.

Wanting to See You

I thought I wanted to see you
I figured enough time had passed
I thought I was finally over
Finally over you at last
But then I remembered last Christmas
I remembered all the words you said
I remembered last December
When Always meant Forever
Back when we were more than friends.
I thought I wanted to see you
I thought that had I moved on
But now the thought has me triggered
Now I know that I was wrong.
I still not over you
No matter how much time has passed
Eleven months is just not enough
To wipe away our past.
I thought I wanted to see you
But I think I’ll just drive right by
To save myself from the tears
To save myself from being That Guy
I thought I wanted to see you
I figured that I had moved on
But now the thought of you has me triggered
Now I know that I was wrong.

Day Drinking

Day Drinking
Keeps me from thinking
Which keeps me from sinking
Further into my feelings
But the drinking
Still leads to thinking
And drunk thinking
Leaves me reeling
And all up in my feelings
My emotions hit the ceiling
Overthinking
Stop drinking
Stop thinking
Stop this sinking
Turn off my feelings
Stop all this reeling
Can’t do this again
Trying to numb the pain
Makes it hurt more
Just close that door
What’s it all for?
But I need to numb the feeling
Need to stop overthinking
So I just keep day drinking
And I just keep sinking
It’s a vicious cycle…

What Scares Me

I think what scares me
Is uncertainty
Of not knowing
What’s happening
Live in the moment
Enjoy the day
Enjoy each breath
Stop worrying about
The time you have left
But I have to know
How things will end
Before my brain
Can even begin
To think about
The here and now
Turn it off?
I don’t know how.
I need to know
I need to plan
Just in case
Something happens
Sitting still
Waiting
Hesitating
Anticipating
Dreading
Fretting
Never forgetting
When I was a kid
Life was simple
But turbulent
Back when ignorance
Was bliss
Why am I now like this
Always needing to be in control
Always looking for a way to hold-
On and navigate the storms
That my come,
Is this my new norm?
Living through anxiety
Chaos is what scares me
As I worry about not knowing
Which way this life is going
To turn out, just like I planned
I try to speak it into existence
Hoping that I’ve earned the right
To take the next step in my life
Where calm replaces chaos & strife
And in the world
I just exist
No longer
Am I doing this
Have I done my job
Have I done my best
Or was all this worry
Simply useless?

Date #3

I don’t want to come on too strong
But I don’t want to be wrong
I don’t want to be the only one
Who feels this way
But you need your time
Before I can give you mine
I need to do this the right way
To make sure this is true
To earn the right to be with you
And that this just isn’t some phase
But I want you to see
All that you mean
I want to be your peace
The peace that you deserve
So I worked up the nerve
To finally say all these things
But more than words to you
I swear that I will be true
Never Intentionally cause you pain
I know what that’s like,
Try with all my might
Never to feel that way again.
I know this is a lot
But I’m shooting my shot
What else have to got?
I’m just a dude with a pig
But your smile I dig
And in your eyes I get lost
I’d give anything
For the chance to see
You smile daily,
Holding you close to me
Here you can see
My heart’s on my sleeve
Wishing and hoping that we
Can finally get to Date #3

Wearing My Heart On My Sleeve

I’m going to lay it out there
Because it’s the only way I know to be
I need you to want me
I don’t want to be the one you need
I want to fall asleep holding you
And wake-up to see your face
I’m sorry if this seems so forward
But time is something I don’t ever waste
I want to be the one who holds you
When life gets a bit rough
And to be the one you turn to
When you feel like giving up
I know we barely know each other
Haven’t seen each other in years
But I don’t want to do this with another
You help me ease my fears
About what I need to do
So that I can be free
To move on to Chapter 2
The part of life where I start again
Making memories, not planning pretend
Being with someone who makes me happy
And someone who makes me smile
Someone to complete this journey
Someone who makes it all worthwhile
And though I cannot give you the world
I’m handing you my heart
Hoping you will be my girl
Hoping for a brand new start
There’s so much to talk about
There’s a lot to work out
You have a life without me in it
Your days and nights your own
I can’t even give myself to you fully
Only make my thoughts of you known
But if with me, you take this chance
To step out of our comfort zones
And get past our reservations
To conquer our hesitations
To make the life we’re both owed
I don’t know if we’re truly soul mates
But I’m willing to find out
I don’t want to continue wandering
I need to erase the doubt
If I finally get the chance
I’ll do everything I can
To prove to you
My heart is true
And I deserve to be your man

Why Am I Like This?

Why am I like this?
Why do I feel everything so deeply?
Why do I always fall?
Why am I like this?
Why am I shutting down again?
Why do I get so excited?
Why do I let people in?
Why am I like this?
Why am I this way?
Why do I get so caught up?
Why do I make them run away?
Why am I like this?
Why can’t I be happy?
Why can’t I find joy
In what’s right in front of me?
Why am I like this?
Why does it always hurt?
Why do I always end up
Feeling like a jerk?
Why am I like this?
Why doesn’t anybody else see?
That I don’t want to be here,
That it hurts to be me?
Why am I like this?
Why do I do this to myself?
Why do I imagine,
That I can escape
To somewhere else?
And what happens if one day
I’m finally lucky enough to get away?
Will I still be like this?
Will this pain finally go away?

Every Day Thanksgiving

You said I was your Twin Flame
You taught me to love again
Showed me who I was supposed to be
You were the one who set my heart free
You freed me from my cell
You were the oasis from the hell
Taught me the difference between Life & Living
You made every day Thanksgiving
Then one day your feelings changed
And our friendship was now strange
You needed time and space
No longer could I see your face
You needed to find yourself
Couldn’t give your heart to someone else
You turned away from me
So that you could be free
And now we don’t talk at all
No longer message, no longer call
My heart was full of pain
Thought I could never love again
My head and heart still remember
All the things you said back in December
All the plans that we had made
And all the words we both said
And I meant each and everyone
But if our story is finally done
You’re still my twin flame
Even if we never talk again
You showed me love
You showed me care
You helped me face my fears
And for all of that I thank you
You taught me to love again
Showed me who I was supposed to be
You were the one who set my heart free
You freed me from my cell
You were the oasis from the hell
Taught me the difference between Life & Living
You made every day Thanksgiving

A New Home

I wanted to give you a new home
The new home of your dreams
Let you decorate on your own
Filled with your favorite things
Paint the bedroom, paint the door
The stair case and the wall
The living room, the kitchen
You can paint them all.
Get rid of all the clutter.
Simplify your life
Time to start all over
A fresh, new start for us both
As husband and wife
But your life is there
And my life is here
You’ve moved on
And started over
As I drown in my tears
You never really needed me
That was easy to see
I just wanted you to want me
Wanted you to set me free
You didn’t need a new home
Or even a new life in Tennessee
You painted over the old one
Your painting didn’t include me
You got rid of all the clutter
Made room for your new things
Made room for the things you hold dear
But no room for me
You made that easy to see