Old Love

Old Love…
Leave Me Alone…
These are the words
From one of my favorite Clapton songs
Twin Flames, you said we were
But now your flame no longer burns…
As I lie here, in this bed alone,
Wondering how I’ll ever get back to
A white hot love, that’s now gone
“Old Love” blaring from the speakers
And dancing around in my head
Laying alone in this empty bed
Remembering all of the words you said…
“And it’s making me so angry…
To know that the flame still burns…”
Clapton softly sings
A “River of Tears” streaming down my face…
Stinging the corners of my eyes,
As the memories still race
Around in circles inside my head
My stomach and my heart both filled with dread…
Music used to be my getaway, my escape.
The music I used to love,
Now fills me with hate-
“Makes me so angry
To know that the flame still burns
Why can’t I get over?
When will I ever learn?
Old love…”
Leave…
Me…
Alone…

I Had to Let You Go

I had to let you go
It hurt too much
Holding on to a dream
Holding on to us
When so long ago
You moved on
I had to let you go
To get away from the pain
That cut me like a knife
Knowing you didn’t feel the same
I had to let you go
It hurt too much to watch
Seeing you move on with your life
Seeing the future that I lost
I had to let you go
I can’t even be your friend
Talking to you got my hopes up
That we’d be together again
I had to let you go
There were too many reminders of you
Rain, Rainbows, All our Songs
And the talking owls, too
I had to let you go
It hurt too much
Holding on to a dream
Holding on to us
I had to let you go
So I could finally find me.

DMB in West Palm Beach

I just kept looking there
Looking at that empty chair
The empty chair next to me
The empty chair where you should be
But I’m here without you
Trying to enjoy the show
Wishing I didn’t have to
Wishing that you could go
The first show Post-CoViD
This was what we planned
Back when I was your beloved
Back when I was your man
But I kept up my end of the deal
As I sit here in this field
Trying to enjoy this show without you
The way I drift my way through each day
At least they didn’t play Grey Street
I think I would have lost it
Look they’re playing You and Me
As I sit here exhausted
Watching couples hold each other tight
Singing sweetly in the night.
I just kept looking there
Looking at that empty chair
The empty chair next to me
The empty chair where you should be
But I’m here without you,
This was supposed to be our first show,
Seeing DMB in West Palm Beach

I Closed the Door

I closed the door on you
I closed the door on us
Not that I want us to be through
But to get back who I was
Back when I was happy
And found beauty in the world
Back before things felt crappy
Without the love of 1 girl
You have always had
A special place in my heart
But I’m tired of being sad
Like you, I need a new start
So I closed the door on you
And I closed the door on us
Time to move on
Now that the love is gone
Time for me to go find me
Time to set myself free
Time to figure out who I am
In this new reality…

Stained Glass Windows

I sat alone
There in that pew
Staring out
The stained glass windows
Thinking about you
Wishing that you
Were by my side
To hold my hand,
If I cried.
Wondering
Where you’d be,
If I should happen to die
Would you sit in the gallery?
Or would you sit with the family?
And who would comfort you,
When you cried?
Would you even
Cry for me?
The stained glass windows
The sunlight shining through
And all I could do
Was think of you
As I sat alone there
Alone in that pew
Wishing you could love me too
Love me the way you used to
Wishing you were
By my side
To hold my hand
When I cried.
I was there to mourn
The loss of a dear friend.
But as I sat there
I thought of you again
Hoping to never sit
Alone in another pew
Sitting all alone,
Without you…

Turning Back The Clock

Turning back time
Before there was a you and I
Trying to forget
The words you said and why
Turning back the clock
To when we were merely friends
A joke here, a comment there
There was no love to end
Except you were always in my heart
And always on my mind
You were there from the start
You were there all the time
No I have to pretend
That I never loved you
Turned back the clock
To when we were just friends
Back before I told you
But it’s difficult to erase
All the feelings that you gave me
It’s difficult not to see your face
When I close my eyes and dream
Because I have always loved you
Loved you from the very start
In my dreams, it was always you
Who lived inside my heart
So I just can’t turn back the clock
Can’t twist the hands of time
Because even though
I never said the words
I always wanted you to be mine.
Easy for you to move on
Accept our love’s now gone
But you were the center
Of my world
To me you were the sun.
You turned back the hands of time
Before there was a you and I
I guess you forgot
The words you said
Forgot the reasons why
Now to you, we’re just friends again
There’s no more you and I…

Twin Beach Chairs

You said one day
You’d take me to
Your favorite beach spot
We’d sit in twin beach chairs
Soaking in the sun
And listening to the ocean
Drinks in hand
Feet in the sand
Sitting side by side
Lounging and laughing
In our twin beach chairs
Then at night
We’d watch the stars
Floating in the sky
Listening to the waves
Crashing to the shore nearby
Lounging and laughing
In our twin beach chairs
We’d make that drive together
Your hand in mine
The excitement of being together
Tingling down my spine
Sitting on the sofa
Lost in each other’s eyes
It’s been a year
Since we made those plans
What a year it has been
First friends, then lovers
Then friends again
Now, we feel like strangers
No more plans
No more future
No longer in your heart
Now that we’ve grown apart
No more waves
No more beach days
No more lounging
No more laughing
no more twin beach chairs for me
Maybe one day
You’ll find your way
Back into my waiting arms
We’ll have beach days
And catch some rays
Before heading back to
Rainbow Phoenix Farms
But til then
I’ll just pretend
That I no longer care
I’ll pretend that you’re not
Sitting with someone else
Lounging & Laughing
In your twin beach chairs…

Sunday Morning

On a quiet Sunday morning
I sit alone in my back yard
Woodpeckers, songbirds
Dew falling upon the leaves
A train off in the distance
As well as passing cars
Tears falling on my sleeves.
The owls are talking in the background
Another distant reminder
Of a time when I had your love
And the Universe was kinder
The sunshine poking through the trees
The smell of rain upon the air
The cool wind on a light breeze
Are memories and reminders
To let me know you cared
Even though the sun is shining
I sit here in a fog, a mist
Are these still symbols of your love
Am I even missed?
On a quiet Sunday morning
Sitting all alone
Surrounded by reminders
That your love for me is now gone