Wanting to See You

I thought I wanted to see you
I figured enough time had passed
I thought I was finally over
Finally over you at last
But then I remembered last Christmas
I remembered all the words you said
I remembered last December
When Always meant Forever
Back when we were more than friends.
I thought I wanted to see you
I thought that had I moved on
But now the thought has me triggered
Now I know that I was wrong.
I still not over you
No matter how much time has passed
Eleven months is just not enough
To wipe away our past.
I thought I wanted to see you
But I think I’ll just drive right by
To save myself from the tears
To save myself from being That Guy
I thought I wanted to see you
I figured that I had moved on
But now the thought of you has me triggered
Now I know that I was wrong.

Date #3

I don’t want to come on too strong
But I don’t want to be wrong
I don’t want to be the only one
Who feels this way
But you need your time
Before I can give you mine
I need to do this the right way
To make sure this is true
To earn the right to be with you
And that this just isn’t some phase
But I want you to see
All that you mean
I want to be your peace
The peace that you deserve
So I worked up the nerve
To finally say all these things
But more than words to you
I swear that I will be true
Never Intentionally cause you pain
I know what that’s like,
Try with all my might
Never to feel that way again.
I know this is a lot
But I’m shooting my shot
What else have to got?
I’m just a dude with a pig
But your smile I dig
And in your eyes I get lost
I’d give anything
For the chance to see
You smile daily,
Holding you close to me
Here you can see
My heart’s on my sleeve
Wishing and hoping that we
Can finally get to Date #3

Wearing My Heart On My Sleeve

I’m going to lay it out there
Because it’s the only way I know to be
I need you to want me
I don’t want to be the one you need
I want to fall asleep holding you
And wake-up to see your face
I’m sorry if this seems so forward
But time is something I don’t ever waste
I want to be the one who holds you
When life gets a bit rough
And to be the one you turn to
When you feel like giving up
I know we barely know each other
Haven’t seen each other in years
But I don’t want to do this with another
You help me ease my fears
About what I need to do
So that I can be free
To move on to Chapter 2
The part of life where I start again
Making memories, not planning pretend
Being with someone who makes me happy
And someone who makes me smile
Someone to complete this journey
Someone who makes it all worthwhile
And though I cannot give you the world
I’m handing you my heart
Hoping you will be my girl
Hoping for a brand new start
There’s so much to talk about
There’s a lot to work out
You have a life without me in it
Your days and nights your own
I can’t even give myself to you fully
Only make my thoughts of you known
But if with me, you take this chance
To step out of our comfort zones
And get past our reservations
To conquer our hesitations
To make the life we’re both owed
I don’t know if we’re truly soul mates
But I’m willing to find out
I don’t want to continue wandering
I need to erase the doubt
If I finally get the chance
I’ll do everything I can
To prove to you
My heart is true
And I deserve to be your man

You’re Still There

You’re still there
And I’m still here
Ignoring each other
After all of these years
You don’t say a word
So I won’t either
This game of Ignoring
Doesn’t make this easier
I can see you there
And I know you see me
But keep up this charade
I don’t understand why
But I stopped putting
Myself out there
I no longer try
Because all I ever do
Is get my hope up
That we’re no longer through
While I sit around
And I wait for you
But the sun still shines
Birds fly through the air
I’m still here
And you’re still there
But I’m done worrying
If you still care…

So This Is Moving On?

I’m not mad
I’m no longer sad
I’ve got no hard feelings
Towards you
I guess in a way
You could say
That I’m trying to be
Just like you
Trying to move on
Trying to be strong
Trying to find my way
I’m tired of the tears
I’m tired of the fear
I’m tired of being lost
Without you
I’m tired of pretending
Tired of thinking we can be
What we were back then
You wanted time and space
I’m no longer waiting to waste
My time, hoping things change
You’re moved on over there
You don’t seem to care
That we’re not even just friends
You’re just someone I know
Someone who chose
To walk out of my life
Done with the anger
The love for a stranger
And a heart full of strife
It’s time to find peace
Time for me to see
That I too
Can be happy

What Happens Next?

So what happens next
Now that I’ve decide to move on?
What happens to my creativity
Now that my love for you is gone?
What happens to my words
No longer written down in pain
I won’t allow you cause me sorrow
Won’t let you hurt me once again
I’ve decided to move on now
Time to learn to be strong
Time to get my life back on track
Time to start on a new song
No, I am not bitter,
You helped me find my voice
But you left my heart in splinters
Move on, I have no choice.
So what happens next?
Now that I’ve decided to move on
What happens to my creativity
Now that my love for you is gone?

The Overthinking Overthinker

I make up scenarios
Inside my own head
That fills my insides
Up with dread
It’s like I keep
Pulling my own thread
Completely unraveling
To words left unsaid
Because I only do this
To myself
Nobody even knows
This private Hell
Trapped inside
This lonesome cell
To no one else
These secrets I tell
Because I makeup
Scenarios in my own head
I overthink
I need a drink
To quench this thirst
Just makes it worse
Because my head spins
And my whole world ends
These nightmares I create
Destined to become my fate
On you I cannot wait
No one else I can depend
Because I make up
Scenarios in my own head
Filling my insides up with dread
I keep pulling my own thread
Completely unraveling
To words left unsaid
Because I only do this
To myself…

My Blue Hockey Jacket

My blue hockey jacket
Sits in the bottom of a bag
A hidden reminder
Of what I used to have
It was my favorite jacket
I wore it the last time we met
Back when always
Meant forever
I haven’t worn it since December
We had the best time
From what I remember
That night I draped it on your pillow
Because it still smelled like you
When I awoke the next morning
After dreaming of us, two
My blue jacket there
Pretending it was you
I was wearing it that January day
When you took your heart away
Stunned, I took it off
Not knowing what to say
My blue hockey jacket
Sits in the bottom of a bag
A hidden reminder
Of what I used to have
It was my favorite jacket
I used to wear it all the time
Now it’s just another reminder
That you’re no longer mine
Learning to live without you,
My hockey jacket
Isn’t the only thing that’s blue…

False Hope

I read your posts
I scroll through your timeline
I don’t know what I’m looking for
Don’t know what I’m hoping to find.
I just keep sitting here
Spinning my wheels
It hurts too bad to tell you
Exactly how I feel
It hurts inside pretending
That I don’t care at all
Hurts too bad wishing
One day you’ll text or call
So I sit here each day
Full of false hope
My heart tied to an anchor
This hope is the rope
That one day we’ll be together
You and I once again
But I also know it might be never
And we may not even be friends
Our twin paths intersected
Intertwined and then diverged
Life was so much better
When our paths did merge
But you had to go your own way
And I had to go mine
Still I keep hoping
Again our paths will intertwine
Til then I’ll keep pretending
And tugging on this rope
That anchors your heart to mine
And fills me with false hope.

Why Did You Run?


Why did you run?
Why did you hide?
Why do you deny
What we both felt inside?
Always and Forever
Are the words YOU swore
You promised to
Leave me never
You said you loved me MORE
I get it, your life
Was torn all apart
But that didn’t mean
You had to take your heart
From me to have your space
To have your time
He stabbed you in the back
When you broke his heart
The love for HIM you lacked
You didn’t have to break mine
Now we’re also torn apart
Why did you run?
Why is it me you ignore
You said you’d be here
In my time of need
I’ll lying here on the floor
But you cannot see
Because I put on a brave face
I hide it well.
So she doesn’t know
That I’m running away, as well.
Nowhere for me to go
But here I can’t stay
You took back your love
And threw my heart away.
Why did you run?
When I needed you the most?
You said you’d make me whole again
Now your love, your words are just a ghost…